I’m Billy. I’ve been a carer since I was 14 years old. When I was a teenager I supported my Mum. She was diagnosed with MS when I was 15. I helped her around the house and with her condition. My doctor helped me talk to my Mum and then I attended a group twice a week for young carers. I could talk to my doctor, but I could never really talk about being a young carer to anyone else.
When I was leaving school, my Mum’s condition was well managed with medication. With my Uncle’s help, I decided to go to college and study greenkeeping. It was a huge decision for me to go away to study. I felt so anxious about it. I remember travelling on the train to Cupar, speaking to anyone and everyone because I was so nervous. I was a late enroller and that meant I went to stay in a B&B. I remember the couple who ran the B&B so well. They made it homely for me. It was hard to step away from my Mum, but I didn’t regret it. I’ve worked in greenkeeping ever since. Work can be hard but I feel “free on the course, in the fresh air”.
Since my early 20’s, I have been supporting my wife who has rheumatoid arthritis and endometriosis. I work full time. I start early, I do a lot of the work at home and I have 2 children a stepchild and a grandchild. I have no time for anything else. When you say it all, it sounds like a list, but in reality it feels more like spaghetti junction. I hardly ever get to take a break. A day in my life is; I get up at 4:30. I cycle to work. I’m really busy at work for 8 hours. At half past one, I get myself home, have something to eat and a quick wash. We head to school to pick up the kids. We have to get to school 30 mins before the school day ends, just so that we can get a disabled parking space for my wife. We get home, I make dinner, clear up. The kids go to bed and I try to get myself in bed again between 7:30 and 8 so that I can have my 8 hours sleep before starting all over again.
I set myself a step target on my pedometer app. The target was 10,000 steps a day. I regularly do more like 26,000. I wish I had more time to focus on my family. I know it sounds strange, but ‘furlough’ was actually really good for us all. More time to be together and to focus on each other, without so many other things to deal with. I made some flower boxes with the kids. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but that they are still standing!
I have sleep apnoea and have to wear my ‘darth vadar mask’ [to hold his airway open while he is sleeping]. Without this to help me have 8 hours, I’d be a zombie. I’ve had a bad back and been on medication and had to have physio. It’s better than it was now.
I got a grant [through CoEL]. We couldn’t believe it. We both stared in shock when we read the news. We applied for a small grant to pay for some decking in the garden. My wife can’t leave the house much. The decking is a safe space where she can feel relaxed and we can all be together as a family. I watch and listen to the fire pit. It’s so relaxing.
I’ve had my own difficulties with my mental health. I tried to take my own life when things were really bad. I started attending sessions with Andy’s Man Club and I went onto train as a facilitator with them.
I want to tell my story because I don’t think men talk about caring often enough. We often think of women when we think about caring. Lots of men are caring for a long time before they call it caring. They don’t always know that there is help out there for them. I didn’t. I was caring for my wife for 14 years and I only found out about CoEL 4 years ago. I was doing it for a long time on my own. If I can help another man to get support, that would be good.
A family is all I ever wanted. I don’t know where I would be without them. I became a Grandpa at 33! I ask my Granddaughter who her favourite is and she says “Grandpa!”.
